Dont Just Do It; Do It Better!

            Whenever we discipline children, there is a tendency to say all the things and behaviors they should avoid.  After a while, our children learns our language and starts talking in the form of not doing something or avoiding something that is considered inappropriate or wrong. 

            There is something curious about this way that we typically talk or discipline others.  Here’s a demonstration.  I would like to ask you NOT to think of a green mango.  Whatever you do, DO NOT think of a green mango! So, what image flashed in your mind?  Of course, it’s a green mango.  For those who are quick thinkers, you may have thought of a green mango for a split second and obediently shifted your thoughts to something else.  This does not erase the fact that you thought of it first and cancelled the thought soon after that. 

            This example highlights a basic way that our minds work.  There is an absence of negation in our consciousness.  That means, in order for us to negate something, we need to think about it first. 

            So what’s the implication of this? When we are disciplining children who have very limited experience in the world, simply saying what they are NOT supposed to do will only make them think about this action.  In the event that we are dealing with a rather impulsive young person, we actually introduced to them an image of what they should not do.  This is already an image in their heads, which can be carried out more easily. 

            What I suggest is to always explore alternative behaviors whenever we want to correct an inappropriate behavior.  We need to make this part of our conversation with our children, even when we are just talking of everyday things.  When we do this, we need to take into account the interests and tendencies of the child.  For example, we cannot simply ignore the level of physical activity of a child and suggest to him or her to sit down and read a book instead, when they are climbing up and down our furniture.  We need to seriously consider the interests and needs of that child at that time, and help him or her find alternatives that would be acceptable to you and realistic for the child.  The child might be allowed to go run around the house instead of climbing up and down glass tabletops, for instance. 

            Finding alternative behaviors is not always very obvious.  Oftentimes, it entails some deliberation and brainstorming.  Whenever we engage our child in such conversations, we need to take the problem solving stance, rather than the parent disciplining stance.  When we take on such a stance, we can clarify our needs, desires and intentions while we also clarify the child’s needs, desires and intentions.  One way of clarifying this is through understanding William Glasser’s 5 basic needs (as posted on 30 April 2010 on this blog), and how our own needs interplay with our child’s needs.  Only when we are able to accommodate such an understanding can we help our children solve their own problems while considering not only their own needs, but the needs of others as well. 

            So, finding alternative behaviors is way of not just doing it, but doing it better!

On Shyness and Timidity

            When I ask for questions and comments from a Filipino audience after giving a short seminar or workshop, most of the people in the audience stay quiet.  This leaves me wondering to what extent my audience was able to make sense of the topic I just talked about.  Ironically, I often find a beeline of individuals waiting to ask me their questions in private soon after the seminar is over.  This is an all too frequent scenario in many workshops I facilitate that prompts me to think that being shy can be an endemic stumbling block in the Philippines. 

            What I narrated is just one manifestation of what I think is shyness or timidity on the part of many people, particularly in the Philippines.  I think it’s really a pity because there is so much that people can share, both in terms of their own curiosity and wanting to know more or in sharing their personal experiences.  What I often hope is that the questions being asked of me in private would have been asked earlier in the presence of the others.  I somewhat get the feeling that some of these questions are similar to the questions of others in the group. 

            I think shyness is something that many of us possess as young children.  For some of us, this shyness is perhaps something related to timidity—the lack of initiative to exert some effort to go beyond our comfort level and share something of ourselves to others.  Of course, in failing to extending ourselves, we keep ourselves safe.  However, it also limits us from broadening our horizons as we share with others and gain from the sharing of these people as well. 

            For a few of us, we learned to retreat to our shells early on when we were somewhat ridiculed or made to feel wrong when we expressed ourselves sometime in the past.  This is a real problem, as our shyness come from an earlier negative experience of being punished for having expressed ourselves. 

            Still for some of us, we are shy because we have little belief in ourselves.  We think that we have little to offer others, and think that others have more to say than we do.  As such, we prefer to listen to others and let others do the talking.  We simply agree and go along what others say.  After all, what we think and feel do not really count.  This is a problem of self-concept, a rather negative one at that.    

            Whatever the source of your shyness, I think it is important to get over it little by little, in baby steps, so to speak.  The first step in doing this is to convince yourself that you want to change and become more open to sharing yourself and your thoughts to others.  This really begins by acknowledging your own experiences as being yours, and they are worth at least as much as any person’s thoughts, feelings and experiences.  For some, this might be a difficult first step, but it is a necessary one. 

            The next step might be to select situations or people with whom you will start to express yourself a little bit more.  Avoid judging yourself and focus on what you need to do in order to be more open about yourself to others.  That is the goal.  You might even like to list down the kinds of things you think of sharing with these people you identified.  Apart from writing reminders for yourself, you might also want to practice how you will speak in front of a mirror.  You might also want to record your voice and listen to it over and over again.  Just get used to listening to yourself. 

            If you have negative thoughts about doing this, you might want to challenge your disenabling thoughts and replace them with more enabling thoughts  (see post on this blog dated 06 August 2010).  For example, you might want to challenge your thought that you are good for nothing and nobody would be interested in what you have to say into something like, “I might not have the greatest ideas to share, but maybe my friend would at least be a bit interested in what I have to say.”  Remember to focus your efforts to anything that would help you express yourself more. 

Managing Procrastination

            Not very long ago, I just had too much to do that I could not start on anything.  Instead, I spent hours getting my things in order and resting.  I just could not get myself to be productive.  And as time passed by, I only regretted not doing what I could have done.  As I began to regret the time I wasted, I was able to catch myself. 

            Procrastination happens when we make ourselves busy with less important things and end up not doing or rushing through with the more crucial tasks at the last minute.  We often end up not finishing our work on time or doing substandard work that we are ashamed to submit.  I think this happens to the best of us—some of us habitually, while others only on occasion. 

            Procrastination is obviously a behavioral problem.  As such, the best solution is just to do what we set out to do, plain and simple.  However, this problem is not as simple as it seems, as we often have many reasons, known or unknown, that stop us from doing what we need to be prioritizing.  Here are some of these reasons: 

1.      Fear of failure.  When we are too afraid of failing, we tend to avoid what we perceive as difficult tasks.  We are already defeated by the overwhelming feelings brought about by our evaluation of the task at hand. 

2.      Perfectionism.  This is often accompanied by the earlier reason, and is ruled by unreasonably high and rigid standards. 

3.      Last minute workers.  Some prefer the burst of productivity when there is pressure to finish something quick.  These people typically slack off when there is still time, and work very hard when they are panicking at the last minute.  They are thrill seekers who feel good about themselves when they know they finished a difficult task in such a short time. 

4.      Lack of interest.  Some people procrastinate because they are simply uninterested in the task at hand.  This reason warrants digging for more reasons beyond simple lack of interest.  Could it be that not doing the task fulfills some need or goal?  

5.      Having too much to do.  For some of us, we procrastinate because we have taken more than we could actually handle.  We are constantly busy and unable to manage our tasks well enough because there is simply too much. 

            Whatever your reasons for procrastination, you may gain from reflecting about your behaviors and what these might mean to you.  I invite you to assess your thoughts and understand what beliefs prompt you to procrastinate on your work.  On August 6, 2010, I wrote about challenging beliefs and making alternative philosophies on this blog.  You might want to go back to that entry and practice the ABC-DEF steps in managing one’s feelings better.  I believe this is a helpful process in understanding your motivations in procrastinating, and creating alternative thoughts that would enable you to be more productive. 

            On the behavioral front, you might want to engage in some of the following behaviors as a way of building habits that run counter procrastination: 

-   Prioritize your tasks and set aside more time for the higher priorities. 

-   Make a detailed and realistic schedule that you will follow every day. 

-   Just do what you can right now, and do not think of how difficult the whole task might be.  There will be a time for the rest, just do what you can right now. 

-   In planning your tasks, also include little rewards (e.g., short and frequent breaks in between, having a candy bar, a 10-minute phone call with a friend, etc.) that you can give yourself when you have accomplished certain segments of your activities.  Make sure that these rewards do not take longer than the task you accomplished.  When you have completed a bigger task, you can also reward yourself with something more substantial (e.g., going out with a friend, eating in your favorite restaurant, etc.). 

-   Write down the thoughts that helped you accomplish your tasks, so that you can get back to them when you are defeated by your procrastination again later on.   Remember that this is an ongoing struggle that you need to be ready to endure. 

-   Ask a friend to check up on you every so often, and to be a cheerleader of sorts.   

Becoming a Clinical Psychologist in the Philippines

            Clinical psychology is one of the most interesting fields of specialization in the study of human behavior and mental processes. It is the area of specialization in psychology that delves into the conditions that are often considered unusual and/or maladaptive.  When we hear the word “clinical,” it often reminds us of situations that need some attention and treatment.  That is precisely what this term means when it is linked to the field of psychology. 

            Although most people trained in clinical psychology in the Philippines are often affiliated with universities and colleges as teachers, there is a growing group of specialists who are dedicated practitioners.  Whereas many of these specialists are found in hospital settings or in private practice, they can also work in other types of organizations that develop and maintain programs aimed at uplifting people’s mental wellbeing.  Essentially, the services that clinical psychologists provide include assessments using psychological tests, observations, and interviews, and interventions involving a wide array of modalities and techniques.  Clinical psychologists can conduct these services to individuals, couples, families, groups, and organizations.  Depending on their exposure and training, they can cater to the needs of very young children (sometimes even infants and toddlers), adolescents, adults, and the elderly. 

            To be able to practice clinical psychology in the Philippines, one must first possess the appropriate education and training.  This would constitute a minimum master’s degree from a recognized educational institution.  Subjects offered in such programs include the following:  advanced personality psychology, advanced abnormal psychology, assessment techniques, and counseling and psychotherapy.  Requirements also include supervised practicum hours with actual clients, and the site is usually chosen by the individual.  This allows the individual to apply what one has studied in a supervised setting. 

            In my experience in practicing clinical psychology and supervising aspiring psychologists, the number of hours required by schools in supervised training is not enough to be able to practice independently.  As ours is an emerging field, there are also not very many qualified supervisors around.  In fact, there is no certification in existence for supervisors.  These can present as problematic areas in the practice of clinical psychology in the Philippines. 

            As the applied field develops and matures in our country, we will hopefully raise the quality of the practice.  One step towards this direction is the signing of Republic Act No. 10029 into law in March 2010 (see my entry dated 23 April 2010), which ensures the professionalization of Psychology in the Philippines.  Another is the establishment of the certification process in 6 areas of applied psychology by the Psychological Association of the Philippines in 2009 (see http://www.pap.org.ph/).  These somehow raise the bar in the practice of psychology in the Philippines. 

            As of yet, there are still no guidelines on how the law will be implemented in the practice of psychology.  I understand from the board of the Psychological Association of the Philippines that this process is soon to happen.  I will keep tab of news on this matter, and will post any updates.