Parent-less Families

Joy just had her 18th birthday party. It was a lavish celebration by the standards of her peers, where she hosted a guest list of over 200 persons. She even had a gown designed and made by a distant relative. Conspicuously absent though were her parents, the very people who financed her grand debut. Standing in for them were her grandparents, the people who had raised her from the time she was six years old. Her parents have been working abroad, and she and her younger brother were left to the care of these older folks. She did not seem to mind her parents’ absence. After all, she knows that she can only afford this bit of luxury because they are working overseas.


How many Filipinos share this same story with Joy? There are reportedly around 2 million Overseas Filipino Workers (OFW’s), according to the latest census data of 2008. Many among these people have left behind their children. When they do, many families effectively become single-parent families. In cases when both parents work abroad, the families are virtually parent-less.

Most of the time, of course, there are extended family members who stand in as primary caregivers. My concerns stem from the multiple roles that these family members play in raising these children. Perhaps, for these children, their extended family members play the role of their parents. They do not know anything else, as they grew up only knowing their specific arrangement. They have never really fully experienced in their growing up years how it is like to have their parents to go home to after school, and still have the supporting role of other extended family members. This is what they are missing.

Can a grandparent play the role of the parent to their grandchildren? Similarly, can aunts and uncles really care for their nephews and nieces in the same way they would treat their own children? What are these ever-increasing children who are growing up in virtually parent-less homes really missing?

When we think of the repercussions of having many of our countrymen work overseas, we cannot deny the effects that this has on the basic unit of our society, the family. These children often have access to the financial resources of their parents. After all, it is for their betterment that their parents left in the first place. They are able to go to better schools and access generally better services. The opportunities open to them probably exceed the ones that their parents had in their own youth. The economic benefits are obvious. And yet, how are they growing up?

One possible effect might be that these children start to think of their parents as mere material providers and nothing more. They might call and talk to their parents when they need some cash or when they want to buy something they want. Otherwise, they are emotionally detached from these people who are not present in both the important occasions and the mundane day-to-day goings on of their lives.

Having said this, I must highlight the importance of having emotional connections with children despite one’s absence. Parents need to take extra effort in reaching out to their children even from a distance. Fortunately with the internet, getting in touch does not have to be expensive and inconvenient. Needless to say, it is important to get involved in each other’s day-to-day lives in order to maintain an emotional connection.

If Joy had such an emotional connection with her parents, she would have enjoyed her party except for one major detail—her parents were not there to share it with her.