Christmas for the OFWs

           In a few days, we will be celebrating Christmas Day.  Here in Manila, the holiday fever is on.  Traffic on the roads is heavier than usual.  Malls are brimming with people.  Reunions and gift giving abound, and there are parties to attend.  Food also seems more abundant, and people more generous than usual.

The experience of Christmas for our countrymen who are abroad is certainly different.  For many of our overseas Filipino workers (OFWs), it can be a particularly difficult time.  For many, this holiday season might be the time when they miss the Philippines the most, especially for those who are not with their families.  Our countrymen living in different parts of the world can experience Christmas in a totally different way from how this holiday is celebrated in the Philippines.  There are, of course, many places—even in nearby countries in Southeast Asia—where Christmas is not even a holiday.  That’s not easy to imagine for those of us who have never been overseas, but it is a very real experience for our countrymen who make sacrifices to work and live in these non-Christian countries.

OFWs try the best that they can to come home to visit family over the holidays.  This is a good practice that allows those working overseas to re-connect with family and friends at the time when people usually have reunions and gatherings.

For every OFW who comes home for the Christmas holidays, however, there are hundreds more who do not.  This is vulnerable time for many of our countrymen who remain abroad.  This is the time when they can easily feel lonely and sad.  Here are a few tips that our kababayans can do when they are overseas during the holidays: 

·         Gather friends and celebrate; 

·         Find someone with whom you can share your feelings honestly;

·         Call your loved ones in the Philippines;  

·         Do something you enjoy doing where you are (e.g., engaging in a hobby, going to a nice place; watch an old movie, view photographs of happier times, etc.);

·         Treat yourself to a nice meal;

·         Volunteer to help the less fortunate; and

·         Set goals for the coming year, and compose necessary steps in order to achieve this.  

This list is by no means complete.  I’m sure there are many creative OFWs out there who can very likely add a few more.  Do feel free to leave your ideas in the comment box below, if you have other ideas that you would like to share to others. 

          What is most important to note, particularly in the holiday season, is not to feel so lonely and sad that it disrupts in your daily routines and in accomplishing your day-to-day tasks.  When you or someone you know start to isolate and do not mingle too much with others, and emptiness or sadness creeps in more often, maybe it is time to do something about these feelings.  Of course, reaching out to others and becoming more active will certainly help.  Knowing when to seek professional help is also valuable. 

Of Rituals and Families

            In a few weeks’ time, it will be Christmas again.  This is probably the most major of all holidays in the Philippines, and many usual routines slow down to give way to preparations, social gatherings and family reunions.  For many families, it is also a season for time-honored traditions and rituals.  For instance, many attempt to complete the novena masses prior to Christmas day called the Simbang Gabi.  There are also gifts to prepare and to exchange, and holiday foods abound in many households.  Sights and smells often prompt the feelings associated with the festivities. 

            These rituals and traditions that exist within families mostly hover around particular days of the year.  They can also happen during special occasions of individuals, such as, birthdays, anniversaries, graduations, and other important life events.  Each family repeats these traditions time and again, and may have been created by the current generation of the family or something passed down from earlier generations. 

            When we speak of family rituals, however, we don’t only refer to these special occasions, we can also talk about everyday habits.  These can include reading a story and prayers before bedtime, having meals together at home, and following a regular daily schedule.  These daily rituals are, in fact, as important as the annual or occasional rituals held on memorable days.  Although these daily rituals are more common, they are sometimes even more difficult to follow, as they entail the commitment of each member of the family. 

            All these rituals, whether done daily or annually, are very important in the way they build the life of a family.  They are the stuff that memories are made of.  Children remember the roles that each individual member takes on in these events and how these events are played out on a day to day or year to year basis.  Not to mention that this is also what adults talk about when they remember events from their past. 

            The life of the family revolves around rituals and traditions.  They create stability and security in the home environment that can never be underestimated.  In fact, these routines and rituals have proven to be effective in keeping families together and in preventing members from getting into difficult situations. 

            Traditions and rituals need not be time honored and centuries old.  They only need to be something that is done by a family every so often.  So, it is never too late to start these routines and rituals.  The trick is for an influential member of the family to initiate it, and to get the commitment of the various members to sustain the activity.  Getting input from each member actually helps in involving everyone, and promotes the commitment to the whole family. 

            As you think about this topic of rituals in families, can you think about the rituals your family did when you were growing up?  If you have your own family now, how have you continued these traditions?  What are the new habits you made up for your spouse and children?   Do you think there are new routines and rituals you would like your family to adapt?  If so, what would they be? 

Multiple Intelligence

          Michael has never been very good at school.  He passes most of his subjects, and occasionally fails an exam or two.   His parents were quite worried for him that they asked the guidance office of his school to check if there was anything wrong with him.  He was just not interested in doing his school work.   Instead of doing his homework or studying after school, he spent much time going through his model car collection.  He knew all the various brands and makes of cars.  In fact, he can go on and on when he talked about cars.  He is most excited when he attends motor shows, and engages exhibitors in high level conversations about cars.   

            Lisa is now attending her third school.  She was asked to withdraw from two earlier ones because she walked around class and distracted her teachers and classmates.  Obviously, she is not doing well in school, and has been, at least in some occasions, branded as a trouble maker.  If there is anything that Lisa loves to do, it is to dance.  When she first saw the room of her dance classes, her face lit up and she moved in the room as if this was the place that was always meant for her.  She loves to dance, and hopes to become a professional dancer one day. 

            Admittedly on the extreme side, these are two examples of how children are very differently gifted.  The talents of these children are easily overlooked when we put them in the context of a traditional school that may require abilities and areas of study that these children are neither good at nor interested. 

            In reaction to the whole idea of intelligence being focused mainly on school learning, and measuring competence solely on the basis of academic achievement, Howard Gardner developed the idea that intelligence is really quite broad.  When he first introduced this multiplicity of intelligence, he initially proposed 7 areas that fit his rather stringent criteria.  Over the last 10 years or so, an additional two are also being suggested. 

            Here is a list of the various intelligences, as proposed by Gardner: 

·         Logical-Mathematical – the ability to understand causal relationships among different but related components, often seen in reasoning and mathematical operations; 

·         Verbal-Linguistic – the capacity to express oneself using language, manifested through the appreciation and creation of literary works; 

·         Visual-Spatial – the understanding of  the dimensions and limits of a given space, as seen in the way an architect or interior designer utilizes it for specific living and working areas and the way an artist would transform a blank piece of canvass into a coherent picture;

·         Musical – the talent for following and creating a synchronous beat and integrating it with a melody and harmony;

·         Bodily Kinesthetic – the understanding of one’s body and its movements, as demonstrated by dancers and athletes;

·         Intrapersonal – the clarity of one’s knowledge of oneself, one’s strengths and weaknesses and one’s inner workings; 

·         Interpersonal – the knowledge of other people fundamental in good social interactions, and in building and maintaining relationships;  

·         Existential – the ability to ponder and build mastery in grappling with life’s great questions, as seen among the great philosophers and teachers of old; and

·         Naturalist – the competence in understanding and interacting with various living things, and in deciphering the signs of the natural world. 

From this list, one can see that school-related learning usually develops only the first two.  Children who are talented in the other areas defined by Gardner will naturally have hobbies and interests related to the other intelligences.  Michael and Lisa show talents in some of these areas.  Now, who is to say that they are not intelligent just because they do not do well in school? 

Red Flags and Self-Help for the OFW

Joey just moved to Myanmar three months ago.  He found a job that paid him very good money there, and did not think twice about going.  He knew that he could provide a better life for his wife and 2 children this way.  Little did he know that the way of life in this distant land is far from what he had imagined.  Ibang-iba ang pamumuhay at kaugalian ng mga tao, at nag-iisa siyang Pilipino sa kanyang pinapasukan.  He felt increasingly isolated and homesick.  He had paid a big sum to get his papers in order, and he was not just about to pack up and leave.  Increasingly, he has been feeling sad, and he lost his appetite, and find himself sleeping a lot. 

Although feeling sad in the course of adjusting to a new environment may not necessarily be detrimental to a person, there are also red flags that may indicate a need to seek professional help.  These are often associated with the severity, pervasiveness and chronicity of one’s reactions.  Kinakailangang kumonsulta sa isang doktor, sikolohista o counselor kung ikaw ay nakakaranas ng ilan sa mga sumusunod dala ng pangingibang bansa: 

§  Matinding kalungkutan at madalas na pag-iiyak;

§  Hindi makatulog sa magdamag o sobrang tulog sa buong maghapon;

§  Feeling giddy and anxious for no apparent reason;

§  Feeling worthless and hopeless for most part of the days;

§  Kawalan ng gana kumain o sobra-sobra sa pagkain;

§  Becoming easily irritable and excitable;

§  Losing energy to do anything and feeling listless;

§  Lubang pangangamba o pag-aalala sa lahat ng bagay;

§  Unexplained anxiety or extreme fears; and

§  Pag-iisip ang kamatayan o kagustuhang mamatay (you need to see someone immediately if you start thinking of suicide).

Upang matulungan ang sarili na masanay sa bagong kapaligiran, kinakailangang alagaan muna ang sarili.  Mahalaga ang pagkain at ang pahinga sa wastong panahon.  Here are some other tips in making one’s adjustment easier: 

§  Magsulat ng liham o email sa mga kamag-anak at kaibigan;

§  Reach out to other people around you;

§  Sumali sa mga programa para sa mga kababayan, gaya ng pagkanta sa simbahan o pagvo-volunteer sa mga samahan;

§  Do something you enjoy, such as, singing and taking a stroll in the park;

§  Mag-aral ng panibagong gawain, gaya ng pananahi o pag-aaral ng ibang wika;

§  Do regular physical exercise;

§  Arrange a regular time that you can talk to loved ones back home; or

§  Pagbisita sa magagandang tanawin. 

Joey eventually sought the help of their company physician and was referred to a specialist.  He eventually decided to return home for a few months, and was able to recuperate.  Luckily, the company where he worked allowed him to return.  With the support of his family, he was better able to adjust to his life overseas.

Adjusting to Life Abroad

Ang karanasan ng bawat OFW sa bawat sulok ng mundo ay magkakaiba; mayroong mga nagtatrabaho sa barko, mayroong mga DH, may mga nars, at mayroon ding mga professional sa halos lahat ng klaseng trabaho.  In almost every corner of the globe, Filipinos are almost always present.  And even though the specific experiences of our kababayans working in different settings across the seven continents are as varied as the individuals themselves, there are common themes that many Filipinos who leave our beloved homeland (whether they are alone or they are accompanied by family and friends) experience.  These common experiences can be classified under two categories, namely:  cultural adjustment and a sense of isolation. 

Sakop ng tinatawag na cultural adjustment ang paninibago sa banyagang kapaligiran, kaugalian at kultura.  Kasali dito ang mga sumusunod: 

§  Ang paninibago sa pagkain, pananamit, at pang-araw-araw na gawain sa ibang bansa;

§  Adjustment to weather conditions and climate changes;

§  Ang pagbibilang ng halaga ng mga bilihin at kung magkano lang ang mga ito sa Pilipinas;

§  Changes to one’s lifestyle and pace of life, including daily routines;

§  Ang pagtitipid para makapagpadala ng mas malaki sa pamilya na naiwan sa inang bayan;

§  Different (and usually better) public amenities and facilities available;

§  Ang kakulangan ng pag-unawa sa pagitan ng OFW at ng mga kasamahang banyaga; at

§  Ang kakaibang paraan ng pakikipagkaibigan at pakikihalubilo sa mga foreigners;

Ang isolation ay ang pagkalumbay na nararanasan ng marami, kahit na mayroong mga ibang kasamahang Pilipino sa kapaligiran.  Kasali dito ang paghahanap ng mga bagay na nakasanayan sa inang bayan, gaya ng mga programa sa telebisyon, komiks, at pagkain.  This sense of isolation is often observed through the following behaviors: 

§  Kalungkutan, pagkalumbay, pagtitiis sa mga hirap na dinaranas; 

§  Yearning for friends and loved ones back home;

§  Mistulang nawawalang kumpiyansa sa sariling kakayahan;

§  Insecurity over one’s abilities and being unsure of how one compares to foreign colleagues;

§  Paghangad na makapag-salita sa sariling wika; at

§  Kawalan ng gana sa maraming bagay.

Cultural adjustment and feelings of isolation are probably necessary in the process of getting used to living in a new environment.  The examples given above happen with many, if not all, of us who have to adapt to a new set of surroundings.  Natural lang ito at hindi dapat ipangamba.  Adjustment in a new country can usually takes anywhere from a few weeks to about a year.  For some, it may be easier to adjust, for others it may take longer.    

In the Service of Overseas Filipino Workers (OFWs) and Their Families

This week and in the next two weeks, I wanted to focus on something I have not yet tackled in this blog.  It is the phenomenon of our fellow Filipinos who are working overseas.  According to latest statistics, this growing number of people roughly constitutes 10 percent of the country’s population, and is estimated to be about 11 million worldwide.  That’s a staggering number, isn’t it? 

The Filipino diaspora is such a significant phenomenon that affects many aspects of Philippine society.  As a Filipino psychologist, I cannot deny the impact of this reality in the lives of many Filipinos, both living in the Philippines and those who are abroad.  Many who have left their families to work overseas to provide better opportunities for their loved ones.  The absence of parents among families with young children is just one of the social impacts of this phenomenon. 

Last week, I did some training for this semester’s new batch of volunteer counselors for the OFW Online project.  A brainchild of Dr. Gina Hechanova, one of my colleagues at the Department of Psychology at the Ateneo de Manila University and a recent Ten Outstanding Women in the Nation’s Service (TOWNS) Awardee, she started an online portal for our compatriots overseas and their family members.  In its bilingual (English and Filipino) home page (http://ofwonline.net/), it says: 

“Welcome to OFWOnline! We know that being an OFW or having an OFW as a parent is difficult. That’s why we created this site to provide a venue where OFWs and their families can seek support from either their peers or trained counselors. There are three services that are being offered for free in this site: counseling services, family chat, and forums.”  

The project began in 2009 as an experiment of sorts.  As online counseling is really quite new, it turned out to be an experiment that was worth continuing.  Apart from the potential of reaching out to the millions of Filipinos overseas and their families, it also served as the research and training venue for the Department of Psychology of the Ateneo de Manila. 

It is a project that has modest funding, and many of the people involved volunteer their time, effort and expertise.  Most of our counselors are students of counseling psychology in our graduate program, and aim to provide decent and professional counseling services at no cost to the users. 

Many people are looking for opportunities to help others.  If you are one of these people, here are a few ways you can help us:

§  Spread the word about the OFW Online website (http://ofwonline.net/) to anybody you think might benefit from it;

§  Tag the site  or this article on your facebook, twitter, or other networking sites so more people will know about this website and project; or  

§  Donate money or introduce us to benefactors who can help sustain the project. 

Counseling and Psychotherapy

            “Am I going crazy?!”  This is a question we often hear from people who are referred to a psychologist for counseling or psychotherapy.  These persons are also afraid of what other people might think or say about them if they do consult a psychologist for such services.  This is unfortunate because there are many people who can benefit from these services, but who opt not to do so because of this fear. 

            In this post, I wish to explain what counseling and psychotherapy are, and where these services can be helpful. 

Counseling and psychotherapy are actually very similar.  Some people would use these terms interchangeably, but others will want to distinguish them.  One way of setting them apart is thinking of the person who is doing the work.  Essentially, counselors are trained to do counseling, and psychotherapists or psychologists are trained to do psychotherapy.  Another way that some people would distinguish the two is by the severity of problems that is in the focus of the intervention.  Counseling often deals with relatively straightforward problems of living (e.g., stress management, relationship problems, career choices, grief and loss, etc.) whereas psychotherapy might deal with clinical concerns and significant difficulties in functioning (e.g., clinical depression, excessive anxiety, phobias, psychological trauma, etc.). 

Counseling and psychotherapy are both interventions that largely employ talking.  It involves a professional relationship between one who seeks help and the service provider, similar to that of a patient and a doctor.  People who seek counseling and psychotherapy are referred to as “clients.” 

There are many ways of doing counseling and psychotherapy.  They can also be conducted with individuals, couples, families and groups.  Nevertheless, there are essential features that need to be present when these services are provided.  These basic features include the following: 

1.      As with any professional service, they need to follow basic ethical practices.  Some of these basic conventions include the assurance of client confidentiality and safety and that the nature of the relationship is strictly professional (i.e., they are not related in any context other than as psychologist-client).   

2.      The client is respected at all times, and their preferences are elicited and taken seriously. 

3.      The methods and strategies used are not harmful to the client or any other person, and are parallel to the goals of treatment.   

4.      The counselor or psychologist is both collaborative and supportive to the client at all times. 

            In both counseling and psychotherapy, clients are given the opportunity to express their thoughts, feelings and behaviors about their experiences.  In this process, they are empowered and supported by the therapist.  Through all these, counseling and psychotherapy often have multiple functions and benefits.  For one, they can elicit some insights about the client that promote a better way of handling personal matters.  For another, a client can learn more effective skills and habits in managing one’s emotions, endeavors, and relationships.  Yet another is the way they can facilitate the emotional journey of coming to terms with difficult or very stressful life circumstances, and enhance one’s sense of wellness.  Still another, they can promote a more realistic and positive sense of self.  Finally, counseling and psychotherapy can lead one to forge a clearer direction in one’s path of being. 

            Counseling and psychotherapy can really be quite helpful to just about anybody.  Would you consider these services for yourself?