Roles We Play in Our Families

            It’s the season for homecomings and reunions here in the Philippines.  For many people, this will be a time to look forward to—good food, laughter and fun, and familiar interactions.  Reunions are a means by which we bond with family and friends.  For most, it is a much awaited part of the holiday season. 

            What is most interesting in these gatherings is how the roles we take on in the family becomes quite pronounced.  With everyone present, each of the roles of each member of the family becomes clear in the way they interact with those present.  For many, these roles are something that just happened; we neither planned nor wanted it.  Somehow, certain jobs and functions were thrust to us, and we just accepted them with little resistance. 

To help illustrate my point, a father can take on the role of the power and authority figure in the home.  When the father asserts something, hardly anybody says another word.  A favorite daughter, on the other hand, may be the only person who can gently, and even humorously, retort to what is being said.  And the authoritarian of a father accepts such dissent with a smile, but only from her.  The mother might play an overtly quiet role, but influence the father in more subtle ways.  A son might play the role of the “black sheep,” and would come late for reunions dressed in an outfit that is hardly appropriate for the occasion.  The behaviors of each of these members characterize the role they play at home. 

Holiday reunions have a way of making us replay the roles we have in our families.  Rather unconsciously, we are transported to that context that is so conducive to reenacting a script that is so familiar to us.  They are often difficult to change, as it involves the entire system that is the family.  And yet, if a member decides to change the way he or she behaves in that context, the rest often adjust to this. 

This holiday season, I would like to invite you, my dear readers, to be a bit more sensitive to the role that you play in your own family.  Be watchful of how other people interact with you and how you react to them.  Such awareness can help you clarify the role you play.  This can then help you decide if that is the role you really want for yourself.  If it is, the awareness helps you affirm this decision.  If it is not, then you can be more conscious about how it is you would like to behave.  This is when you start to have the power of choice.  

             Merry Christmas!