Teen Trials: Coping with Having a Teenager

           Having a teenager at home can be a true challenge, and this has been portrayed in many stories and anecdotes.  I guess this reality never hits one until one has to deal with the struggles of a teenager in one’s own home. 

            For any parent, it is the difficulty of striking a balance.  On the one hand, we have a young person who thinks they know everything and does not really need your guidance in any way.  On the other hand, this very same person who wants to be independent is clearly reliant on parents for financial support and guidance.   This is clearly seen in their behaviors.  Many teens have difficulty keeping their things in order, and yet resent the fact when they need to be reminded to take care of these basics.  They want their freedom, but have difficulty proving that they can handle the responsibility attached to this independence. 

            One way of thinking of teenagers entails understanding the changes that is happening to them.  As their bodies mature, their brains also develop into maturity.  They are now able to make sense of the world around them in ways they never did previously.  They are able to handle abstract concepts, and because of this, can envision the elusive but rather attractive ideal situation.  They have a hint at how things can and should be, and realize that this is often far from reality.  This disappointment that the world is not an ideal place can be quite disappointing to them.  The inconsistencies of their parents can be a source of disillusionment. 

            This is also the time of their lives that they want to discover who they are and what involvement they will have in the world.  They want to try different things and experiment on various experiences.  When they are restricted to explore their worlds, they often find a way.  Because of this, many teenagers expose themselves to behaviors that put their safety at risk. 

            Parents who have a good relationship with their children can capitalize on what have been built over the years in handling the challenges of this stage of life.  For those who have less than a good relationship with their children will have a harder time, but can still follow some of the following tips: 

•  Have open, nonjudgmental conversations with your teen.  Do not judge their actions as being right or wrong, but just talk to them about what they liked about what they did and what they did not appreciate. 
• When rules need to be established, try negotiating these with your youngster instead of simply imposing them.  Setting up a curfew is one such instance that this can be done.  Agree on both positive and negative consequences when rules are followed and when these rules are broken, respectively. 
• Allow them to explore their world and to try different experiences.  Support them in starting a hobby, such as, music, arts or sports. 
• Give them time to spend with friends and peers.  Let them play and hang out with their friends every so often. 
•  Every so often, spend individual time with them, doing things that both of you enjoy.  This can take the form of watching a movie together, eating out, or going on out-of-town trips. 

 When your teen sees your efforts in reaching out to them and accommodating their wishes in a realistic and respectful manner, you will also notice that they are not as challenging as you thought they might be.  You will also see that they will respect you more, and be more forgiving of your own faults as a person and as a parent.