Tiger Parenting

            A few weeks back, the Wall Street Journal published an excerpt (http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748704111504576059713528698754.html)

from the recently published book by Yale Law Professor Amy Chua entitled Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother.  As with the book, the excerpt extolled the virtues of no nonsense parenting focused on achievement and hard work.  Some of the more important assumptions of this parenting style is the understanding that one can only have fun if one does something very well, and that achievement is only worthwhile in specific areas of endeavor that is relevant.  So, according to this philosophy, being second best is being the second loser.  Play dates, theater and most of the arts are frivolous endeavors, whereas piano, violin and chess can be seen as  components of a well rounded education. 

Not surprisingly, the essay caused a stir across various groups of people in the Americas.  It even made the cover story of Time Magazine this week.  After all, Ms. Chua did accuse western parenting as often being indulgent and anxious in pushing children to achieve and to prove their capacity beyond what may be deemed as mediocre.  She obviously thought that the primary purpose of parenting is to ensure that the child is happy, and this happiness can only be possible if that child is the best (and nothing lower) among their peers in worthwhile endeavors (defined by parents, often including school performance and some hobby like piano or violin). 

In reading the article, what struck me about this tiger mother’s style of parenting is her dedication and single minded efforts in achieving her goals.  She knows what she wants from her children, and she makes it clear that she will be there with them all the way.  This is no easy task since the mother works as hard as the child in making sure that efforts bring about desired results.  She models the hard work that she demands of her child.  She does not relegate this responsibility to a hired tutor or on paid lessons alone. 

Another element of her parenting style that I thought was really commendable was her confidence in her children’s abilities.  What kept her going in pushing her daughter was her faith that her daughter can do what she thought she could do.  Individual differences has little place in this way of thinking, as her faith was anchored on what her elder child (or any other child, for that matter) was able to do at a similar age.  She called her daughter “lazy” when it seemed that her daughter was about to give up.  She was not afraid of labeling behavior that was undesirable, calling a spade a spade. 

This style of parenting is certainly about teaching children to work hard and perseverance in working towards a goal.  Important goals are also pre-defined by the parent, and the child has little choice in what endeavors to pursue.  This style presupposes that the child is the parent’s some kind of project, and the parent’s job is to ensure that the child is programmed correctly; that is, the child understands the value of hard work and will not rest until he or she is the best in what he or she is doing. 

In the end, it is up to every parent to make a choice how one shall parent their child.  Is happiness indeed only achieved if one is acknowledged as being the best in a particular field of endeavor, be it in school or in a chosen hobby?  I guess, each one has an opinion about this.