The Role of the Bystander in School Bullying

            Whenever my colleagues and I get invited to schools or other venues to talk to parents, one of the most common questions we get would be something related to bullies.  How can I stop a classmate from bullying my child?  How do I talk to parents so they can discipline their child to stop bulling my child?  We are thinking of pulling out our child from school because he/she is being bullied?  Where is the best place to put my child so that he/she is not victim to bullying?  Interestingly, we seldom get questions where parents admit that their child is a bully and what kind of help their child needs.  

            I must admit that bullying is one of the most difficult problems to deal with.  There are no easy answers.  If we are going to have any success in minimizing it, we have to get everyone involved.  Yes, I suggest a systemic approach, as bullying is not a problem of an individual; it is a problem of an entire environment where it is happening.  The problem is not the bully per se, the problem is the environment that allows bullying to happen. 

            Let me begin by saying that violence and hurtful behavior is not inherent in any child.  It is absolutely learned from one’s environment.  A child learns to hurt another child.  Sometimes, this happens in the home—when a child is discipline using corporal punishment, for instance.  Other times, they see it on television or from other children around them.  And so, interventions must not only focus on the victim of bullying, but the bully him/herself as well. 

            School bullying often happens in the presence of peers, and quite invisible to the adults.  As such, the bystander—often peers—must be taught to identify when bullying happens and what they can do.  In this systemic approach, the bystander plays the most crucial role.  They need to be empowered to give a voice to the victim and to step in so the bullying stops.  In all actions, the bystander must take a stand against bullying.  Here are some behaviors that the bystander can do: 

·         Say something to stop the bully, such as, “Pick someone your own size!”

·         Tell the victim that what he is doing is not nice, and identify what he/she is doing as “bullying.” 

·         Take the victim away from the bullying situation. 

·         Protect the victim from being bullied some more. 

·         Ask someone to run and get adult assistance. 

·         Run and get adult assistance. 

In the morning of March 5, 2011 (Saturday), PsychConsult, Inc. will be sponsoring FREE back-to-back talks.  I will be giving a talk on strategies in dealing with school bullying and my colleague Ms. Berny Go will be discussing teaching children social skills.  I will be explaining the systemic approach to addressing this phenomenon of bullying.  If you or anyone you know are interested to participate, please call PsychConsult, Inc. at (02)4212469 for reservations.  Do call as there are limited seats for this event.