I was in college when someone I knew, a former classmate, in fact, committed suicide. It was the first time in my life that I had known anybody kill him/herself. When friends gathered for the wake, the common questions asked were, “Why? What would drive a person with a promising future to the point of ending his/her life?” Of course, these questions were never fully answered. A young person ended his own life, and also cutting any possibility of justifying his/her actions.
In the wake, I heard many of our mutual friends make references to times when this person actually talked about dying and ending his life. Being the curious person that I was, I asked what they said when they heard such talk from our friend. One simply dismissed him by saying not to talk about “silly” things. Another did not know what to say and simply let it pass. Yet another confronted him and accused him of being a coward for even considering this option. I must admit that at that point in time, I also did not know what to say or do if someone I knew actually told me that he was thinking of dying or killing himself.
So, what can you do as a friend or family member when someone you know tells you that they are thinking of ending their lives? Here are my suggestions:
- These threats must always be taken seriously, and the first thing is to understand how serious that person is about ending his/her life. Is it just a passing thought or have plans been made as to how and when the suicide will take place? The more concrete and accessible the plan, the more serious it is regarded.
- It is best that the person has company. If you cannot be there, make sure that he/she is accompanied by another person. Suicide is often a lonely act, and having company actually prevents it.
- Listen to the person. Ask him/her questions and engage him/her in a conversation. Be with that person and try to feel what he/she is feeling. Knowing that someone cares can make the person feel supported.
- Encourage the person to engage in self-soothing activities. Taking a warm shower, burning some scented candles, getting a massage or eating comfort food are some things that can help the person feel better.
- A professional consult can often help in making a more thorough assessment and implement relevant intervention. So, report this to an authority figure who will follow through with prompt action. Psychologists or psychiatrists are the professionals who can help, and seeking their assistance is warranted.
- Take care of yourself, delegate responsibility, and avoid being the only caregiver of this person.
There are also a few things that a friend or family member should not do, and they are as follows:
- Do not overlook or trivialize these thoughts and verbalizations of suicide. They are always to be taken seriously. If you know you cannot help, report immediately to the person’s relatives or authority figures (e.g., teachers, boss, etc.).
- Do not promise to keep this information confidential. You need to tell such crucial and possibly life threatening information to others, so as to get appropriate assistance.
- Do not take it upon yourself to care for the person who is at risk of suicide. You need to take care of yourself; you owe yourself at least that. Help, but only to the extent that you are still able to care for yourself.
- Avoid drinking alcohol. Alcohol is a depressant and can make the situation worse for the person.
On 21 May 2011 (Saturday), I will be facilitating a seminar-workshop on assessing and responding to suicide risk. It is meant for various professionals (e.g., mental health workers, teachers, managers, etc.) who would like to have a greater understanding of how suicide can be assessed, and knowing what kind of response is appropriate. If you or anyone you know are interested to participate, please call PsychConsult, Inc. at (02)4212469, (02)3576427, or (0917)8080193 for details and reservations. You can also email psychconsult@gmail.com. Do call now as slots are limited.
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