Managing Anger (2)

            Last week, I wrote about managing our emotions through calming our bodies through relaxation techniques.  Relaxing ourselves is a good first step to managing anger, and we cannot stop there.  We need to address the source of our anger by understanding it in a fuller manner, and deal with it constructively. 

            Understanding our needs (see the post entitled Of Basic Needs and Inner Harmony posted on 30 April 2010) might be the next step in knowing what it is we really want from this situation where we find ourselves getting angry.  This often takes some time to think about, and you might need to be calmer and alone.  So, leaving the situation that makes you angry might be necessary at this point.  Is it something you or another person can do something about?  If so, what can you do or how can you ask so that you get some form of what you want that fulfills your needs?  If not, how can you best accept the situation as the most natural thing in the world?   

            Another thing that you might want to do is to reassess how you are thinking about your situation.  Asking yourself questions such as the following can help you think of other ways to make the situation less provocative: 

·         How can I interpret the situation in a way that is less irritating/annoying? 

·         What particular thoughts cross my mind that make me angry?  Are there alternative ways of seeing the situation, albeit remote, that would make this situation better for me? 

·         Is there anything funny about all this?  What about the situation can I take less seriously? 

·         To what extent are your thoughts accurate or exaggerated?  How can you tweak them to reflect reality better?   

You might also want to look at changing some of your thoughts and beliefs about the situation by challenging the thoughts that make you angry.  For a more detailed discussion on this, you might want to refer to the article I posted in this blog on 06 August 2010 entitled ABC-DEF in Managing Our Emotions. 

            Being able to express yourself in a non-threatening and calm manner is the key to being able to communicate to others what you are thinking and feeling.  This can also aid in asking for what you need and negotiating (see my post on this blog entitled Neogtiation as Conflict Resolution dated 22 November 2011) with others.  Assertiveness skills is certainly part of this. 

            If you can’t seem to get a good grasp of managing your emotions consistently, it might be a sign for you to seek professional help.  Now, please don’t think that I am suggesting that you are crazy and that’s why you need help.  As a matter of fact, I think that many of those who seek help are those who are mature enough to admit their areas of improvement and seek venues to make things better for themselves and others. 

            Essentially, what psychologists and counselors will do would be to explore how you experience and manage your emotions, including your triggers and other habits that sustain the anger.  This is helpful information in learning about yourself better, which may be key in helping you manage your feelings more effectively.