Managing Anger (1)

            When we are angry about something, there are many ways we choose to behave as a way of dealing with this reaction.  Some people are more effective than others in being able to manage these feelings. 

            Suppressing anger is certainly not the answer.  This often just complicates matters, as anger will find expression in other things. 

            Let’s face it, we can’t change other people.  Often times, we are also angry because we cannot change the situation that caused us to feel angry.  If we could, we would not be this angry to begin with.  So, no matter how much we rant about the person or the situation, these will not change. 

            The only thing we can change is our own reactions.  Now, don’t make the mistake that I am implying that we should pretend that we are not angry all of a sudden and behave differently.  That would be suppressing.  In fact, the first thing to do is to acknowledge our anger.  So, ask yourself, “How angry am I?” You might even rate yourself on a scale from 1-10 how angry your are (it can be that 10 is that you are calm and unaffected and 1 is you are very much affected and rather furious; or the other way around—it’s up to you).  Admitting the feeling to yourself is really the first step in managing it. 

            The next step is to understand what you can and cannot do given the level of rage that you are feeling.  Maybe, at a 2 or 3, you are really too angry to be reasonable; or at a 5 or 6, you are not too angry, just somewhat annoyed and you can still have a helpful discussion.  This will now determine what you can and cannot do.  This is probably a step that needs to be visited and re-visited, as feelings can come and go very quickly. 

            When we know that we are angry and to what extent that is so, we need to help ourselves manage both our physical and emotional reactions.  In managing our physical reactions, we need to help ourselves calm down.  One of the most effective ways of doing this is through good deep breathing (see my entry on this blog entitled Breathing Right Towards Psychological Wellbeing posted on 13 March 2010).  Only when we are able to manage our physical reactions can we start to manage the emotional ones. 

            Other relaxation techniques could also include any of the following: 

·         Listening to music you enjoy;

·         Making yourself a cup of coffee or tea and drinking it slowly and leisurely;   

·         Taking a short walk in the park;

·         Imagining happier times; and

·         Doing some strenuous physical exercise. 

            Practicing relaxation techniques is helpful in managing your physiological reactions.  This is certainly a good first step in owning up to your reactions and addressing its effects on your body.  Only when your emotions are not so high can you begin to deal with your feelings more rationally.  Next week, we shall discuss what you can do to manage your angry feelings.