The Magic Ratio towards a Healthy Marriage

A healthy marriage is hard to define. Marriages, like individuals, are unique; no two are alike. Something that one couple might consider very natural in their relationship might very well be viewed as rather strange by another set of partners.

When psychologists tried to understand what makes a couple remain intact in marriage, they found one curious ingredient that appeared more often among couples who tended to stay together longer. It is the magic ratio of 5 is to 1. That means that for every time that these couples who tend to stay together longer have some kind of misunderstanding; they have had about 5 positive interactions between them as well. Now, the positive interactions are not all major loving acts. They can be as simple interactions that strengthen their marital bond, such as, simple knowing glances, giving each other compliments, and casual affectionate touching.

This 5:1 ratio is quite simple to remember. We only need to translate it to small acts of kindness that we can do to our spouses. Remember that we do not have to engage in major demonstrations of devotion to our spouse. We only need to do simple daily (sometimes even moment-to-moment) acts that communicate to our spouse that we do care for them.

To further reinforce the magic ratio, here are 4 basic tips that both husband and wife can practice to ensure a happy, healthy marriage:

• Listen. Before making the other person understand what we think, learn to listen to what the other person thinks. This can be achieved by being in tune and listening to both the verbal and nonverbal signs. Do not assume that you know and understand; it is important to clarify.
• Accept. We need take who the other person is as wholeheartedly as possible. As we learn to understand the other person’s language, we need to accept all that is said. We cannot change the other person. We can only try to change ourselves.
• Affirm. Acknowledge what you understand and accept. Give your spouse frequent and sincere compliments. Through words and actions, communicate to your spouse that you understand him/her in the way that he/she understands him/herself.
• Demonstrate your love. In ways that the other person understands, demonstrate that you love your spouse. You may want to do things that he/she likes regularly. Send thoughtful text messages every so often. Say “I love you” as often as you can. Touch each other affectionately as often as possible.