Let’s face the truth about the use of punishment in disciplining children: it is an effective deterrent of certain behaviors. Not many people will admit that straight out. But it is true that punishments have been proven to stop certain behaviors from being repeated. I have met parents who told me that they use punishments, particularly of the physical (corporal) sort, because it is a quick and easy way to manage their children’s behaviors. And they are possibly right, at least in the short-term. One does not have to be very creative in implementing such a scheme.
Despite this, however, general effects of punishment can bring about many other considerations that are not intended results of such a scheme. We can think of these as the “side effects” of using punishments in disciplining children. We can easily deny that they happen and that our child will not react in this manner, but studies show that most children will react to punishments in at least some of the following ways:
· Punishment can bring about unintended negative feelings, such as, fear and anger;
· These feelings are often detrimental in effective learning of new lessons;
· Punishment can bring about a general suppression of all behaviors;
· The use of punishment often entails 24/7 guarding of the child’s behavior, which is often unrealistic for most parents;
· As we are modeling hurtful behaviors to our children, we are actually indirectly teaching them that it is okay to hurt others when they did something wrong; and
· The use of physical punishment on children can easily justify acts of abuse.
Allow me to explain each of these.
Oftentimes, children who are punished keep feelings of not being understood, hurt, fear, anger, and resentment. They may not express these feelings to their parents, but that does not mean that they do not have these reactions. Such often unexpressed negative emotions can cause children to feel sufficiently distressed so that their capacity to learn is disrupted. And if the main reason for discipline is to teach, then we have already failed in this most crucial of goals. And then, children will tend to generalize the restriction of their behaviors so much so that they may suppress all behaviors in the presence of the punishing parent.
As with any other strategy—but more so for punishments—we need to be consistent in monitoring our children’s behavior so that they are punished for every infraction committed. This will ensure the effectiveness of the strategy. This means that we need to punish each and every undesirable behavior the child demonstrates. Otherwise, they are bound to fail in the goal to eradicate the behavior across various settings and contexts. Now, how can actually watch their children 24/7? This is a task that is next to impossible. And so, using this strategy is often not maximized.
Next on this list are the all important implicit lessons we are teaching our children in physically punishing them for doing something that we do not approve. We are really modeling this sort of behavior. For younger children, we might consequently see them hitting other children when they do not like what the other children are doing to them. For elder children, they will display aggressive behaviors towards others as well. This is one of the more serious repercussions of using punishments as a discipline tool.
As if these reasons are not enough to show how punishments are really quite undesirable, the use of corporal punishments in parenting is only a fraction of a step away from using our power as parents to take advantage of the less powerful position of our children. This is the pattern that can be seen among those who commit abusive acts.
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