When OFW’s Reunite with their Children

Annalyn has mixed feelings about finally joining her parents in Italy.  She is quite excited that she will be living in Europe, and she has heard many wonderful stories about the country where her parents have worked for the past 15 years.  She was only barely three when her mother left to work in the said country, and her father followed a couple of years later.  Unknown to her parents and relatives, she is really very fearful of the move.  She does not know what to expect, and knows very little about the life she is about to face.  Although she loves her parents and has positive feelings towards them, she also does not know them beyond the regular weekly phone conversations they have had over the years and their annual month-long visits to the Philippines.  She is most anxious about leaving behind her aunt and grandmother who have been substitute parents to her all these years.  She is also sad about leaving her friends and the life she knows in the Philippines. 

For some of our kababayans, being able to bring their families to the country where they have been working and living for the past many years is a dream come true.  It is an apparent culmination of what seems to be a lifetime’s worth of striving and scrimping in order to provide well for themselves and their families.  Having their children join them overseas, to share a life together as a family after so many years, is certainly a yearning of many of our OFW’s. 

I can understand that for many OFW parents, being able to get their children to join them is an ultimate goal.  They understand that being together is important.  They might also think about the advantages of having their children live in a wealthier society, and enjoy the amenities and benefits of such an environment.  Ultimately, they are able to provide a better future for themselves and their children, which was the primary goal of working abroad to begin with. 

What many of these OFW parents may not clearly understand is the amount of stress that all these change can bring about to each individual in the family.  The adjustment is simply tremendous, and this change cannot be taken lightly.  For parents, taking on the full time role of managing their older, but not yet adult, children can be quite a handful.  From not having children for many years, they might find themselves having to take care of young people who have minds of their own.  The dynamics between husband and wife will change, as children come into the picture.  On the part of the children, much more drastic adjustment will have to happen.  From living in the Philippines, they find themselves in a totally foreign environment.  They were taken away from their support system at home, be this friends or other relatives, and brought to a very different environment where very little is familiar.  They might even go to a school where the language spoken is totally different from what they are used to hearing and speaking, such as, in the case of Annalyn.   Their daily routines will also markedly change. 

On top of the cultural and daily adjustment that the children have to go through, the gap between who they have become and their parents’ current expectations might have widened over the time that they have not been living together.  All of a sudden, children need to adjust to possibly new ways of managing the household, and even household rules for them to follow.  They might be scolded for behaviors they have never had to correct previously.  On the one hand, their parents could be stricter than their guardians in the Philippines.  On the other hand, their parents may not find the need to be strict with their children and simply let them do as they please.  Either way, children will need to adjust to living with their parents. 

So far, I have highlighted the potential challenges that face parents and children who reunite after years of living apart.  I have made an example of children who join their parents overseas.  However, there are also occasions when parents come back to join their children in the Philippines.  Whatever the case, huge adjustments will have to happen to all parties involved. 

Next week, I shall discuss tips to help in this adjustment.  Meanwhile, I would like to plug our free online counseling service at http://ofwonline.net for OFW’s and their families.